Wednesday 22nd january 2014
Sitting in my office today I encountered upon a chat with a colleague of mine who will shortly be coming to work for me full time in a business venture I am launching. This individual is perhaps the most authentic, considerate, loyal and compassionate human being I have ever had the pleasure to know.
We met eight years ago just after I had experienced a profound loss in my life and required an ear shall we say.
I knew why I was sad, I knew that it was ok for me to be sad, I didn’t need to talk about my feelings. At this point in time, I just required someone who would sit beside me simply letting me cry.
I didn’t require comfort, pity or platitudes, just company in my grief.
For me like anyone, loss is painful, however it is also a powerful emotional representation of a relationship that was filled with love. These relationships are what form and sustain us, their passing cause deep, yet beautiful scars. After all, what would life be without love?
I didn’t know this man well back then, I saw him around and I was aware of his beliefs, but for some reason I was drawn to him.
After a brief chat one day I chanced the suggestion of spending some ‘silent’ time with him, he agreed without question.
We spent many hours he and I, engaged in a thick and powerful silence that I felt able and safe enough to swim within.
After I found my way back to my shore, I realised that he had provided a life jacket so effective yet lightweight, that I had hardly noticed it’s strength and importance.
We became firm friends and he remains one of the single most important people I have ever had the good fortune to meet.
So what brings me to write this blog? I suppose partly it’s to put in writing the importance of chance encounters and personal risk.
I don’t like asking for help, yet I dared to with this man. I also could have ignored my instinct that led me to him; after all we were mere strangers when I took the step of asking him to share his time with me.
What arrived from these ‘moments’ is a deep, long lasting, respect and friendship soaked in an integrity I have felt few places in my world.
How often do we actually dare to have our needs met? In personal, professional and even intimate relationships? So often we instead allow ourselves the scraps of what could instead by a hearty and fulfilling meal.
We are amazing, beautiful, capable individuals us humans, we have the capacity to do so much good to ourselves and others, but so often we sit afraid and helpless watching what we need drift away.
Imagine a life for a moment where instead we grab on to what we need, unashamedly asking, demanding even to have our needs met. A life where those who harm us are removed without feelings of guilt or regret.
Where a ‘no’ is less to offend another and more simply an insurance to accept our own needs.
Imagine relationships where the key is ‘being and giving the best’ to the person we are sharing our lives with.
This isn’t utopia, this isn’t an idealistic perspective through rose coloured spectacles, this is possible, probable even! You just have to realise your worth, potential and desires; clinging on at all times and refusing lesser alternatives.
In my office today, this wonderful man, friend, mentor, colleague and guide looked directly at me and said I just don’t understand why you believe in me?’
That moment exists for all of us doesn’t it! It has for me on many occasions, sometimes I have voiced it (these days I would), on many occasions instead I have kept it silent and failed therefore to receive the encouragement that could have made all the difference, soothing me and easing my worries.
I was able to tell my friend that it was I who actually needed him far more than the reverse. I am a keen business woman and he is far more capable than I (there were other softer and emotional reasons of course).
So what am I saying in this long convoluted gabble?
Simple, we are all able to have a life we desire, but only when we allow ourselves the right to ask for what we need.
So today instead of letting the moment pass, take a deep breath and chance to have your needs met. Whatever the outcome, DO NOT let it silence you instead turn the emotions volume up until you are heard.
Finally if no matter what, your needs are ignored, refused, belittled or abused, then the action required is clear, be your own best friend and move on to happier, healthier pastures.
Create what you desire. X